just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
