I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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