ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
