apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize