I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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