mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you never un-have a 4some
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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