her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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