it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
