Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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