The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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