literally had 100 drinks last night.
i already hear my dad disowning me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
