Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
