His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
