I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
