My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
