His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
