We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
