Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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