i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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