i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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