also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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