Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
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omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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