I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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