i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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