i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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