just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you will always have a special place in my vag
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
