Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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it's like heaven, but drunker
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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