A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
