bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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