Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
