you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
