4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize