my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
