Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
