There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
