Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
