I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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