She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hippo gnu deer
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
