that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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