i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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