So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
