my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
50% drunk capacity currently
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
