can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
