Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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