just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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