My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
