Already got asked if we're dating
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
