thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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