I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
