I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
from now on my penis is your penis
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
