the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
