Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
