i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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