Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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