Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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