i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
