That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
