Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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