There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
