I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass