Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
