I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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