Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
